Ominous Velour

Who would you like to talk to soon? The only call I will be taking is from a lawyer telling me that a long-lost uncle has passed away and left me tens-of-millions of pounds and a magnificent, well-maintained, and financially self-sustaining estate on a rainy, privately-owned Scottish island. Kthxbai. 💜

How do you feel about cold weather? I live in a place where, almost without fail, we get at least a week or two of annual polar vortex shenanigans where we hit windchills of -40°C to -50°C. For my Americaland friendos, -40° is where Celsius and freedom units are the same. As well, it is…

Have you ever broken a bone? Of my own? Several, mostly in my feet. Usually toes. Or at least I notice them most because they turn a different shade of purple than when they’re just cold. Also, my ankle, sort of? When I was 10 or 11, I had surgery to staple my ankle bones…

What’s the oldest things you’re wearing today? My body is 45 years old. I don’t think anything I physically own is older than me. B̶̪̯̗̙͐ȗ̷̗͖̔͂̍ͅt̴̖̬̼͍̋   ̵̹͚̌͑̾t̵̺̳̄h̸̞̬̖̟͂̒́ê̷̘̿̀͘ ̴͕͈̌̓̈  ę̶̦̝̽x̴͉̮̓̉͜h̸͓͒̌a̶̖̯͝u̴̲͈̦̔͒s̶̫̤͇̭̃t̵̡͓̩̑̓͆i̴̼̠̘̓ͅo̷͈̩͖͋́̚n̷͎̼̖̓̏́   ̶͈̳͆̕i̵̖͍̖̊̒̚s̴͍̐̕   ̵̹̗͆ȩ̸͎͠t̶̳̪͂͊́e̷̫̬̠͑͝r̸̎́̚͜n̸̡̤͌̅ͅȧ̶̤̪͜l̷̖͙̟͎̾̾̽̂.̷̡̔ ̴͔̠̒̒

Are you a leader or a follower? Well anyone who has ever attempted to give me direction on a task… ever, will tell you that I am definitely not a good follower. And I very much do not want the responsibility of leading others. Therefore, I am campaigning for a 3rd option. Self-isolator. I want…